You know what doesn’t work? Putting on makeup when you’re crying. Eyeliner smudges, if it goes on at all. Blush streaks. And powder, well that just doesn’t work at all. Once the powder brush gets wet with tears, all you end up doing is getting your whole face wet.
It’s just a mess. I don’t recommend it.
Nevertheless, it’s what I did this morning. Ridiculous. Why didn’t I just have myself a good cry, dry my face, and then put my makeup on? I don’t know. Sounds pretty logical now, after the fact. But then? Well, then I guess it seemed like it was best to try to suck it up, push through the tears, and keep pressing forward. You know, man up. But the tears kept flowing. They didn’t stop, even as I willed them to.
As I was getting ready for work, I was listening to some music. One of the lyrics was, ‘this shall soon pass.’ As I looked at my bright green eyes (they get more green when I cry) in the mirror, I knew that wasn’t true, at least not on a certain level. I mean, on some level, each circumstance will pass, of course, but overall…does it really pass? Maybe not.
That’s how it is for those of us who suffer with a chronic mental illness. It doesn’t just pass. It stays with us, day after day. Sure, we have good days. And thank the Lord for those, right? But the roar inside our heads or the ache in our hearts never quite subsides, does it? It just lingers, sometimes very quietly.
And some days are harder than others. And on those days, sometimes my makeup is mixed with tears.
Maybe yours is, too. Maybe you cried as you applied mascara to wet lashes this morning. Or maybe your wife, girlfriend, or sister did. Or maybe it was the girl at the coffee shop who made your latte, or the girl who cut you off in traffic, or your child’s teacher.
Or maybe you don’t wear makeup, but you cried, still. Your tears are just as meaningful. Maybe you showed up to work or school with bloodshot eyes and a red nose, unable to hide the evidence. Whatever your circumstance, I think you’re brave.
I THINK YOU’RE BRAVE.
You showed up. Smudged eyes. Red nose. You showed up. You’re brave.
It’s ok to hurt. It’s ok to cry. Just keep going. Tears in your makeup aren’t really a big deal, anyway.