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You give me the creeps. When I think about you, I cringe. You haunt me. I know you were good for me. Twice, even. But…

It never fails that when I hear a song that reminds me of the time we were together, I cry. Well, if I’m alone I cry. If I’m not alone, I wish I could cry. It happens in an instant. I get this sick feeling in my stomach and the tears fill my eyes. I just get transported right back to that place – that place where I was when I needed you. I get taken back to the time when my world seemed to be nothing but turmoil. I couldn’t trust myself. And everything was scary. I go back there, and I don’t want to.

Just yesterday, I was driving in early morning traffic down the same familiar highway that lead me to you, and it happened again. I shuddered. Suddenly I was on my way to you. The sickness returned. I don’t want you. I don’t need you. Not now. Hopefully not ever again.

You’re good. Don’t misunderstand. I appreciate you. I have mad respect for you. You helped me. You taught me. You gave me so much. I mean, truly. But…

I need that to all be in the past. I don’t want the memory of that to creep in and take over like it’s all brand new and just now happening. That’s too much.

So, can you just stay in the past? Can you not be in the songs? Can you not be on the highway, in the traffic? Can you just be in the background of my mind, and wait until I am ready to visit you? Can you do that? That’s what I need from you now. That’s all I need from you now.

About Beautifully Polarized

Life is ever changing. God is working in me more everyday. He has blessed me with a husband who is my best friend in every aspect of life, and three children who teach me about life and love everyday. He has blessed me further with friends who help me get through the rough days, and laugh with me on the good days. And, I believe He gave me the best mom a girl could ask for. He has also given me trials so that I can grow into the person He intended me to be. Walking with Him makes life in this world bearable.

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