We all know what it means for something to be in the background.  It’s not in the forefront.  It’s not as prominent.  It’s not as important.  It isn’t that it’s unimportant, just less important than something else.  It isn’t necessarily a bad thing to be in the background, depending on the circumstance.

But what if you’re a background friend?  You know, someone whom you are friendly with when you see them, but aren’t really close to beyond that.  Someone whom is part of your larger friend group, but you don’t really know that well.  Someone you work with.  A background friend falls somewhere between acquaintance and close friend. Many times, being a background friend is just fine.  These relationships serve good purposes.  We need background friends.

But what about when you think of someone as a close friend, but they think of you as just a background friend?  What about when you used to be more than background, but now you’re not?  What about those times when you find that you don’t have anyone who isn’t more than a background friend?

What about those times?

I was talking with a client a few weeks ago, and she mentioned feeling like she was a background friend to everyone, and that even the people she considered close friends, seem to only consider her as background.  And I immediately and deeply related to what she was saying.  I had never thought of it in that terminology, perfect as it is, but I’ve felt it more times that I care to admit.  And honestly, I’m feeling it today – the solitude of the background.

The background is a place where the phone doesn’t ring or chime with calls or messages.  Facebook doesn’t light up with notifications. Invitations to social gatherings don’t come.  In fact, unless you initiate contact with others, you’re pretty much in isolation from the outside world.  The reason?  You’re just in the background.  You’re not in the forefront of anyone’s mind.  You’re not the person that anyone thinks of when they want to say good morning, or wish a Merry Christmas.  You aren’t the person they check on in the middle of a bad storm.  You aren’t the person they share a funny joke with.  It isn’t that they don’t like you.  It’s just that you are in the background, so you aren’t on their radar.  They aren’t thinking anything negative about you.  They just aren’t thinking about you at all.

The background is a lonely place to be.

The truth is, everyone has a place where they fit.  Everyone has a place where they are more than just background.  The key is to find that place, and to nurture it.  We can’t spend our energy trying to make a background situation into something more than what it is.  We will do nothing more than exhaust and frustrate ourselves.  So, next time you feel lonely because you’re stuck in the background, just remember that your place is out there waiting for you.  Perhaps you just haven’t found it yet.

About Beautifully Polarized

Life is ever changing. God is working in me more everyday. He has blessed me with a husband who is my best friend in every aspect of life, and three children who teach me about life and love everyday. He has blessed me further with friends who help me get through the rough days, and laugh with me on the good days. And, I believe He gave me the best mom a girl could ask for. He has also given me trials so that I can grow into the person He intended me to be. Walking with Him makes life in this world bearable.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s