Cotton-headed

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That’s what it feels like – like my head is full of cotton.  I’ve been trying to figure it out, and I finally did.  Phew.  Now I know.  I’m a Cotton-headed Ninny Muggins.  Just like Buddy, the Elf.

About a week ago, I felt a mood shift from some crazy form of hypomania to some strange form of normal.  It’s been so weird.  I don’t really feel too low.  I don’t feel too high.  Not anxious.  Not irritated.  Not the usual things that I feel.  But, I don’t feel quite right, either.  I have just felt a little…discombobulated.  Yep.  That explains it.

My head is just not clear.  I can’t think very clearly.  I feel cloudy.  I feel like there are a bunch of cobwebs in my head that I need to clear out, and then maybe I can think through things more coherently, more thoroughly.

Last week, I had the incredible opportunity to see some specialists and have some really high-tech imaging done of my brain.  The hope was that we would be able to see exactly what’s going on inside my noggin so we could zero in on how to better treat my symptoms.  I think we got some good answers, but now I’m on information overload, and I don’t even know how to take it all in, much less process it all.  In fact, I think I’ve just been avoiding it a little bit since I got home from all of my appointments.

There are so many things yet to do.  Read this.  Watch that.  Get these labs done.  Take this test.  Drink this.  Don’t eat that.  Take these supplements.  This is good.  That is bad.

STOP!!!!

Slow down.  I can’t keep up with all that.  One thing at a time, please.  I can feel myself becoming stressed with trying to figure all of this out.  In fact, I think I can almost feel myself becoming revved up again, which is a tell-tale sign that a mood episode could be on the horizon.  So, that means I’ve got to take it slow, and really prioritize these things.  I am my best advocate for my own care.  I am the best person to know what I’m feeling, so I’ve got to pay attention to what’s happening inside.

This is true for all of us.  No matter what we’re going through, we have to be our own advocates.  We have to look out for our best interests.  We have to make sure we are taking care of our own health – both physical and mental.  If we don’t, who will?  This is what I’m learning.  Everyone has his own agenda, including doctors.  Every doctor will want you to follow his protocol, but ultimately, you have to do what you know is best for you.  For me, I’ll get to what the doctors are asking me to do, but I have to take my time, or I’ll push myself right into another tailspin.  In the meantime, I’m taking baby steps towards my goal of a healthier me.

What about you?  What steps are you taking towards a better you?

About Beautifully Polarized

Life is ever changing. God is working in me more everyday. He has blessed me with a husband who is my best friend in every aspect of life, and three children who teach me about life and love everyday. He has blessed me further with friends who help me get through the rough days, and laugh with me on the good days. And, I believe He gave me the best mom a girl could ask for. He has also given me trials so that I can grow into the person He intended me to be. Walking with Him makes life in this world bearable.

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