A few years back, my disorder came into full swing, causing a rapid downfall. This led to the near-complete unraveling of our friend group. The community network we had built was almost nonexistent. Amid all else, we were devastated, to say the least, but after about a year, we made a decision that would prove to be good medicine for both of us – Josh and me. Since we found ourselves without plans basically every weekend, we were oftentimes pretty bored. So, we decided to do something spontaneous!!

We bought jet skis!!

We are blessed to live roughly a mile away from some of the world’s most beautiful coastlines. Why not take advantage of the time we have here, and enjoy being out on the water? Just because we didn’t have plans with friends didn’t mean we couldn’t make our own plans. So we did. We bought them. And we love them.

The second I leave the no-wake zone, I can feel every part of my body relax, as I start to drive faster and faster. There is something about being out on the open water, wind in your face, water spraying. It’s invigorating. It’s peaceful and beautiful, and somehow empowering. It’s perfect.

I love many things, but two of those things are the ocean and driving fast. Obviously jet skis are the perfect answer. Why had I never thought of it before? Who knows. Better late than never, I say.

The ocean is the place on earth where I feel God the strongest. The water. It’s so majestic and powerful. It’s enormous and unrelenting, yet somehow peaceful and serene. The smells and the sounds of the waves. I get lost in them. And in my lost-ness, I feel God speaking to me, telling me that all is well. Telling me to breathe. Just breathe. If I just keep inhaling and exhaling, He will pick up one foot and place it front of the other for me. And what I really have come to know, is that if I stop breathing, He will fill my lungs, too. The ocean reminds me of these things.

Just breathing.

And while I am just breathing at the beach, I am gulping in every bit of air that I can when I’m going fast. Sometimes going for a drive is so therapeutic. I can roll the windows down, turn up my music, and leave all my troubles behind. Behind the wheel, I’m in control. I take charge. Now, the truth is that God is actually in control, but in these moments I believe He lets me pretend that I am. He is just cool like that. I feel like I’m fully alive when speeding as fast as I can.


I thought we were just buying toys, but really we bought therapy. Water therapy. Speed therapy. God therapy.

So when things are looking grim, and nothing feels right, there are always jet skis.

About Beautifully Polarized

Life is ever changing. God is working in me more everyday. He has blessed me with a husband who is my best friend in every aspect of life, and three children who teach me about life and love everyday. He has blessed me further with friends who help me get through the rough days, and laugh with me on the good days. And, I believe He gave me the best mom a girl could ask for. He has also given me trials so that I can grow into the person He intended me to be. Walking with Him makes life in this world bearable.

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