And I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all

And I will stumble and fall
I’m still learning to love
Just starting to crawl

Say something, I’m giving up on you
I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you
Anywhere, I would’ve followed you
Say something, I’m giving up on you

And I will swallow my pride
You’re the one that I love
And I’m saying goodbye

Say something, I’m giving up on you
And I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you
And anywhere, I would have followed you
Oh, oh, oh, oh say something, I’m giving up on you

Say something, I’m giving up on you
Say something”

I have loved this song from the first moment I heard it. It is hauntingly beautiful. I hadn’t heard it in quite a while until a few days ago. This time, I heard the lyrics with a decidedly different meaning.

This time, I am two beings, one pleading with the other.

I see myself lying on the ground, partially curled up, wearing a white gown, no shoes. I do not see my face.

I am begging myself to get up off the ground and keep fighting. It’s me doing the begging; it’s me doing the lying. I’m the one lying on the ground unable to move. I am the one broken into 1000 pieces without the strength to put myself back together. I’m the onlooker from above, pleading.

It’s almost like it’s a past and present me, or maybe a present and future me. All me, each one different from the other.

I am desperate to save myself, yet still I slip away. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to keep going; I don’t know how to hang on. Slowly my grip loosens and I have to let go.

I am no more.

There is nothing left to do for the faceless one. She cannot return.

I can’t move.

How do I walk away? How do I turn around a walk away from this lifeless form that was once part of me – now gone, never to return?

I don’t know how.

This haunts me.

For the rest of me, life goes on, but I’m not whole. There will forever be this part of me that I lost that day. The death of self has left its mark.

And in the shadows lurks darkness – threatening to steal another piece.