Tuesday, October 9, 2018; 7:30 PM
Following is an account of actual events. Seriously, I cannot make this up.
Setting: Waffle House Navarre; the evening before Hurricane Michael will make landfall.
Characters: Melissa, Jennifer, Jeremy, Connor, Abby Grace, Tyler, Waffle House waitress
Jennifer: How about Waffle House? They are always open
Everyone: Yes! We love Waffle House!
(enters WH, finds two tables)
Waitress: What can I get for y’all?
Jeremy: I’d like water.
Jennifer: I’ll have water and a sprite for him (motions to Tyler).
Melissa: I need a Diet Coke.
(waitress takes kids’ drink orders; comes back with drinks)
Waitress: Y’all ready to order?
Jennifer: I’ll the all-star. scrambled…
Jeremy: triple hash browns covered, chunked, smothered…
Melissa: I’ll take the – (waitress interrupts)
Waitress: Oh an order just popped up. I need to go get that. Is that ok? I’ll be right back.
Melissa: (confused) Um, ok… (waitress walks away)
(several minutes later)
Jennifer: There’s our waitress. What is she doing? She is taking their orders!
Jeremy & Melissa: (laughing) What?
Jennifer: (flagging down waitress) We need to finish ordering. She hasn’t ordered (pointing to Melissa) and my kids haven’t ordered yet, either.
Waitress: Oh, sorry. What can I get you?
Melissa: I’ll have…bacon, eggs over medium.
(waitress takes kids’ orders).
(A few minutes later, waitress comes back with part of Jennifer’s and Melissa’s order and Jeremy’s order, which is prepared incorrectly)
Jeremy: Oh this is supposed to be smothered.
Jennifer: And we still need our waffles.
Waitress: Oh, sorry. I’ll get this fixed (takes Jeremy’s food), and I’ll bring the waffles.
Waitress: Here you go, sir. And your waffle. (handing Jeremy his plate, and Jennifer her waffle.)
Jennifer: Thank you. She still needs her waffle, and the kids need their food.
(tick tock…a while later, waitress brings Connor his food, minus his bacon).
Melissa: And I’m still waiting for my waffle.
Waitress: Oh, sorry. I’ll get it.
(roughly 30 minutes after the first plates were brought)
Abby Grace: I still don’t have any food.
Jennifer: You haven’t gotten any of your food yet?!? (flags down waitress, points to Abby Grace) She hasn’t gotten any of her food yet, and he is still waiting on bacon.
Melissa: And can I get my waffle?
Waitress: Oh, sorry. (to Abby Grace) What did you order?
Abby Grace: Biscuits and gravy, and hash browns.
Waitress: I’ll be right back with that.
(A few minutes later waitress brings Abby Grace’s food)
Jennifer: He still needs his bacon, and she still needs her waffle.
Melissa: I could use a refill on my drink, but I’m not about to ask for that! (everyone laughs)
(more time goes by)
Melissa: (calls waitress over) I still haven’t gotten my waffle.
Waitress: What is happening is that we are having trouble with our waffle iron.
Melissa: uh huh
(just a few minutes later)
Melissa: Look! That other waitress just came out of the kitchen carrying 5 plates of WAFFLES!! (laughter erupts. At this point, no one can stop laughing).
Melissa: Excuse me, ma’am? He (Connor) is still waiting on bacon, and I never got my waffle.
Waitress: Oh sorry. I’ll get it right now. We are just so busy, and one of our waitresses didn’t show up.
(laughter continues, customers begin to murmur in disbelief)
Jennifer: Ma’am? We’ve been here for a long time, and we’ve basically had to ask for each part of our meals separately. It’s as if we have just been forgotten over here. We are still waiting on a waffle and bacon.
Waitress: Oh sorry, I’ll get it.
Jeremy: (catches attention of man waiting for a table) RUN! Don’t stay! (the man whispers to his wife. The family leaves.) (more laughter)
Melissa: Our waitress is coming out of the kitchen with two plates of waffles…that she is taking TO ANOTHER TABLE!!!! You have got to be kidding!
(Melissa, Jennifer and Jeremy are hysterically laughing by now)
(Jeremy goes to register to pay bill, laments with fellow patron who has been waiting on a glass of water, listens as new waitress vents about being called back in because the other waitress is so horrible)
Melissa: (jumps up quickly, walks to register) Ma’am, I have asked for my waffle more times that I can count. Can someone please get me a waffle in a to-go box?
New waitress: Yes absolutely. I’m so sorry.
(two minutes later, Melissa receives her waffle, everyone leaves restaurant)
(Connor never gets his bacon.)